CONTROL: Good morning, everybody! It's oh-nine-hundred and another great day. Now, let’s get this pool moving. Motor, standby. Relay1, prepare to start on my command. Impeller, are you ready?
IMPELLER: Oh yah! Let’s do this! I’m good to go! Bring it on! Gimme all you got!
CONTROL: Motor, ramp up to priming speed in 3, 2, 1… Relay 1, engage!
IMPELLER: Ahhh. It’s nice to be moving again. This feels terrific.
CONTROL: Okay, we are approaching final priming speed. Impeller, how are you doing? IMPELLER: Faster! FASTER!! FASTERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
CONTROL: Affirmative. Motor go to maximum speed. Let’s spin this pool water. Impeller, status report.
CONTROL: Copy that, Impeller. You’re set for the next hour, then we’ll bring you down to Energy Star speed. Skimmer, this is Control, come in. How’s it going out there?
SKIMMER: Oh. I’m Okay, I guess. The usual leaves are packed in my basket and, well... if you really want to know, that “catch-of-the-day” gopher from three days ago is really starting to make me sick. I think I’m gonna gag. I’m hoping to get the weir stuck down by the end of the day, so when the pump stops, I can barf out that nasty thing.
CONTROL: Negative, Skimmer. Suck it up. Show some self control. PB will be here today, and he will empty your basket. He always does. Hang tough. I’ll see if we can get you some relief. Floater, Control, come in.
FLOATING 3-INCH CHLORINE TABLET DISPENSER: I’m on it, Control. Hey, Skimmer, what do you say I paddle over and see if I can get stuck in your throat all day? I bet you could use a few chlorine breath mints about now.
SKIMMER: Oh, yes, please! Your kindness is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Floater. You’re a real lifesaver!
CONTROL: Bottom Suction Outlet VGB Cover, Control, come in. How ya doin’? How’s the flow down there?
VGB COVER: I’m well. Thank you for asking. The water flow is gentle. I’m securely fastened. No problems. But... I am a little lonely. It would be nice if there were two of us down here. Someone to talk to, you know.
CONTROL: Copy that, VGB Cover. I’ll see if I can get Cleaner to pass by more often to visit you. Cleaner, Control, come in. Cleaner, this is Control, do you read me? Over. Cleaner, come in. Cleaner...
CLEANER: ...swimming, swimming, swimming, Just keep swimming. That’s what we do, we swim, swim, swim...
CONTROL: Uhhh... Roger that Cleaner. Enjoy your day. Alright, Filter, Control, come in. Everything good?
FILTER: Ya, no. Don’t ask. No, please, tell me, does this pressure gauge make me look fat? It says I’ve gained 5 lbs per square inch this week, but it feels like 50! Ever since PB started using cellulose fiber media and water clarifier, I’m eating everything that comes to me. One more speck of dirt, and I’m going to explode. If he doesn’t backwash me today, I hope he will at least loosen up my band clamp a few threads.
CONTROL: Patience, Filter. I’m sure he will notice the pressure and take proper care of you. He always does, especially if he’s going to start Heater for the season. Heater, Control, come in. You ready to burn?
HEATER: Ya, sure. I’m just dying to smoke. Really, do I have to start smoking again? It’s a dirty job, and I hate it. I’m still coughing from last summer. I don’t think it is healthy for me at all. Ya know, a solar system would be fantastic or just a bubble cover. Even a splash of liquid cover, now and then, would help me cut back and live longer. Soon, I’ll rest in peace and if I’m reincarnated, I hope I come back as a heat pump.
CONTROL: Stand down, Heater. Stow that chatter. You know PB thoroughly checks you over every year to make sure you’re safe and ready to do the job you were made to do. He always does. You’ve got many years of useful service life left. Listen everybody, let’s keep moving forward. Diving Board, Control, come in. How’s it going? Are you ready to launch cannonballs and depth charges?
DIVING BOARD: I am strong. I am sturdy. I am faithful. I am ready. I am trustworthy. And, I can be flexible.
CONTROL: Outstanding, Board. I can always count on you. Ladder, Control, come in. What’s going on?
LADDER: Isn’t this a lovely day? I just love being out here in the sun where my stainless steel can shine. Hey, listen, I think I just heard the self-closing, self-latching gate open and just now, the dog is barking. I think he’s here. This is just wonderful. I’m just all a glow. Everything is just going swimmingly.
POOL BOB [ENTERING SCENE]: Hey, everybody. How are you guys today? Wow, the pool looks fantastic. You’ve all done an excellent job while I’ve been gone. Teamwork makes the dream work — I couldn’t do this without you.
This article first appeared in the June 2022 issue of AQUA Magazine — the top resource for retailers, builders and service pros in the pool and spa industry. Subscriptions to the print magazine are free to all industry professionals. Click here to subscribe.