
CONTROL: Good morning, everybody! It's oh-nine-hundred and another great day. Now, letโs get this pool moving. Motor, standby. Relay1, prepare to start on my command. Impeller, are you ready?
IMPELLER: Oh yah! Letโs do this! Iโm good to go! Bring it on! Gimme all you got!
CONTROL: Motor, ramp up to priming speed in 3, 2, 1โฆ Relay 1, engage!
IMPELLER: Ahhh. Itโs nice to be moving again. This feels terrific.
CONTROL: Okay, we are approaching final priming speed. Impeller, how are you doing? IMPELLER: Faster! FASTER!! FASTERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
CONTROL: Affirmative. Motor go to maximum speed. Letโs spin this pool water. Impeller, status report.
IMPELLER: Wheeeeeeeee!
CONTROL: Copy that, Impeller. Youโre set for the next hour, then weโll bring you down to Energy Star speed. Skimmer, this is Control, come in. Howโs it going out there?
SKIMMER: Oh. Iโm Okay, I guess. The usual leaves are packed in my basket and, well... if you really want to know, that โcatch-of-the-dayโ gopher from three days ago is really starting to make me sick. I think Iโm gonna gag. Iโm hoping to get the weir stuck down by the end of the day, so when the pump stops, I can barf out that nasty thing.
CONTROL: Negative, Skimmer. Suck it up. Show some self control. PB will be here today, and he will empty your basket. He always does. Hang tough. Iโll see if we can get you some relief. Floater, Control, come in.
FLOATING 3-INCH CHLORINE TABLET DISPENSER: Iโm on it, Control. Hey, Skimmer, what do you say I paddle over and see if I can get stuck in your throat all day? I bet you could use a few chlorine breath mints about now.
SKIMMER: Oh, yes, please! Your kindness is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Floater. Youโre a real lifesaver!
CONTROL: Bottom Suction Outlet VGB Cover, Control, come in. How ya doinโ? Howโs the flow down there?
VGB COVER: Iโm well. Thank you for asking. The water flow is gentle. Iโm securely fastened. No problems. But... I am a little lonely. It would be nice if there were two of us down here. Someone to talk to, you know.
CONTROL: Copy that, VGB Cover. Iโll see if I can get Cleaner to pass by more often to visit you. Cleaner, Control, come in. Cleaner, this is Control, do you read me? Over. Cleaner, come in. Cleaner...
CLEANER: ...swimming, swimming, swimming, Just keep swimming. Thatโs what we do, we swim, swim, swim...
CONTROL: Uhhh... Roger that Cleaner. Enjoy your day. Alright, Filter, Control, come in. Everything good?
FILTER: Ya, no. Donโt ask. No, please, tell me, does this pressure gauge make me look fat? It says Iโve gained 5 lbs per square inch this week, but it feels like 50! Ever since PB started using cellulose fiber media and water clarifier, Iโm eating everything that comes to me. One more speck of dirt, and Iโm going to explode. If he doesnโt backwash me today, I hope he will at least loosen up my band clamp a few threads.
CONTROL: Patience, Filter. Iโm sure he will notice the pressure and take proper care of you. He always does, especially if heโs going to start Heater for the season. Heater, Control, come in. You ready to burn?
HEATER: Ya, sure. Iโm just dying to smoke. Really, do I have to start smoking again? Itโs a dirty job, and I hate it. Iโm still coughing from last summer. I donโt think it is healthy for me at all. Ya know, a solar system would be fantastic or just a bubble cover. Even a splash of liquid cover, now and then, would help me cut back and live longer. Soon, Iโll rest in peace and if Iโm reincarnated, I hope I come back as a heat pump.
CONTROL: Stand down, Heater. Stow that chatter. You know PB thoroughly checks you over every year to make sure youโre safe and ready to do the job you were made to do. He always does. Youโve got many years of useful service life left. Listen everybody, letโs keep moving forward. Diving Board, Control, come in. Howโs it going? Are you ready to launch cannonballs and depth charges?
DIVING BOARD: I am strong. I am sturdy. I am faithful. I am ready. I am trustworthy. And, I can be flexible.
CONTROL: Outstanding, Board. I can always count on you. Ladder, Control, come in. Whatโs going on?
LADDER: Isnโt this a lovely day? I just love being out here in the sun where my stainless steel can shine. Hey, listen, I think I just heard the self-closing, self-latching gate open and just now, the dog is barking. I think heโs here. This is just wonderful. Iโm just all a glow. Everything is just going swimmingly.
POOL BOB [ENTERING SCENE]: Hey, everybody. How are you guys today? Wow, the pool looks fantastic. Youโve all done an excellent job while Iโve been gone. Teamwork makes the dream work โ I couldnโt do this without you.
This article first appeared in the June 2022 issue of AQUA Magazine โ the top resource for retailers, builders and service pros in the pool and spa industry. Subscriptions to the print magazine are free to all industry professionals. Click here to subscribe.